Envy Red

Stepping out of a Tyler Perry play one fall weekend in our nation's capital, I was on a cloud. Anyone who has been to any of his live plays knows the euphoric feeling he gives you after a well received message that you just know was intended just for you. You sit in the audience after a good laugh and he steps out to deliver his thank you along with a few more messages. This particular day he called on everyone to be checked for diabetes, eliminate stress over material things, and to help someone less fortunate than yourself. The last stuck out to me as I watched an elderly homeless man dig through a trash can that was literally steps from the doors I had just exited. He proceeded to search through the empty fast food bags as I looked on witnessing him eat the remains of a stranger's meal as if it were his last supper. Now I have seen the homeless plight time and time again but never have I actually witnessed someone ravage a trash can in broad day light and stand over it eating off old chicken bones like so. Yes I've seen them take the contents with them but never to the extent that I ironically witnessed that day.

This is just one example of the crisis here and across the nation. Did you know there are over 12,000 homeless individuals right here in the DC area our nation's capital where the country's biggest decisions are made? Across the country there are over 660,000 reported homeless individuals with anywhere from 2.5-3.5 million people experiencing homelessness at least one night throughout the course of a year. More than half of homeless families have children under the age of 5 in their household. Could you imagine the fear of being reduced to the outside elements losing your sense of protection not knowing where you will receive your next basic necessity? As the winter months near this crisis becomes critical, threatening the lives of so many.

Envy Red has formed a team for the annual Fannie Mae Help the Homeless Walk scheduled for the Saturday before we give thanks on November 20, 2010. We are doing our part one step at a time and you can too. Please make a small, or large if you have it, tax deductible donation and support our team and it's effort. All dollars will go directly to the Help the Homeless Fund. If you are in the DC area and able to walk, register and join our team in the fight against homelessness.  Yes it will be cold so remember, when you think you have it bad, there is always someone who has it far worst. Let's do this!

It's been a long day at the j-o-b and you are ready to relax and unwind after a great meal. You take a hot steamy shower, put on your partner's favorite scent, cover the bed in silk sheets, and light a few candles to set the mood. You even pop an x-rated movie in the DVD player on silent for that added back up and visual stimulation. Your partner comes in the room and heads for the shower. You barely notice they did not glance at the set-up because your mind is one tracked tonight so you assume they are taking the hint and getting freshened up. WRONG! They come back in the room, pull back the sheets, peck you on the lips, and flip the "off" switch on the remote before turning on their side sending a soft "good night love" over their shoulder. A few minutes later you hear soft z's followed by loud snores. What just happened here? Were you not clear that there was a meeting in your bedroom that you had not even quite started yet adjourned?

This scenario plays out all too often in the households of many couples. Although the roles could go either way, studies show that men's sex drive is higher than women's with most fantasizing about sex at least once a day. Only 1/4 of women do so with the same frequency. There are many theories why men have higher sex drive with some being tied to their very anatomy and the role of sex in their lives. Men have a more simplistic view of sex and are more aroused by physical stimulation. Some theories believe guys want to pass on their genetics. They are reported to seek  sex more often regardless of the stage of their relationship and with more partners. They are more likely to engage in casual sex and masturbate more frequently.

On the other hand, women's libido is far more complex and is driven more by emotional connections. Their sex drive requires more mental stimulation than physical arousal. It is reported that women take longer to orgasm at 10-11 minutes from the point of penetration and only 20% report always having an orgasm compared at 75% of men. Environment plays a bigger role in female sex drive with things such as culture and social factors having a higher influence on mood. Church played a role in sex drive in women where it had no influence on men. Anatomically, it is believed that women must be more choosey about their sexual encounters and partner selection because they are the ones who can get pregnant making it more likely that they will seek sex less frequently with fewer partners.

Despite these findings women show higher inconsistencies between expressed values about sex and their actual sexual activities. It has been shown that women with higher education levels are more likely to have performed a more diverse set of sexual acts. In addition, there peer group attitudes also had influence on their own admissions whether they engaged in certain sexual behaviors or not.

So what do you do if you are in the above scenario more often than you would like with a partner who is demonstrating low sex drive on a normal basis? An obvious choice is medication to increase the libido but studies show that men are more receptive to this solution because their sex drive is more tied to biology. My opinion is that there is no substitution for good communication when faced with this situation. Talk to your partner without placing blame or causing them to defend their issue. Try relieving some of the stressors outside of the bedroom that may trickle into the bedroom. Also seek medical advice from your doctor who may be able to diagnose and treat underlying issues that may be causing low sex drive. Guys understand that women's sex drive is more mental and concentrate on stimulating her mental desires as well as her physical ones. Practice techniques such as role play if you must. Do things outside of the bedroom to show her you appreciate her. Perhaps buy her flowers sometimes if she is into that. Take out the trash and mow the lawn. There is nothing sexier than that! Ladies understand guys are more stimulated by the physical and play up those physical desires. Dress up, bend over in front of him, and show him what you are working with. Get in the know as knowing is half the battle. Get your sex drive back on track . It is the fuel you need to get to the finish line of pleasure for both you and your partner.